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Our parents have dinners together and email constantly so there is no real problems with anything like that. — Please …. Do not send an email or a letter asking her parents to grant permission to marry. I'm going to propose on New years when the ball drops in time square. If they are non-traditional, or you are worried they (or she) might see it as a sexist gesture, simply be careful about the way you phrase it. Went to ask my girlfriends father for permission to marry. ■ Don’t do it. Especially when the secrets are about them. Because cake and the course of one’s life are genuinely equivalent. Dear Carolyn: I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. I’m not planning on proposing for another three months. Try to arrange a personal meeting with her father. How about asking for his (and her mom’s) blessing. I love her more than anything and would do anything for her. Don't forget her mother. DEAR CAROLYN: I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. Lv 6. It might seem a little old school, but before you pop the question to your girlfriend, it is a good idea to approach her father for permission. 1 decade ago. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission … Or is it too oldfashioned. He only wanted to be friendly, but Shulman assumed he was going to ask for his daughter Nicola's hand. We don't live far from her parents, they just don't know me that well. Do I have to pick the engagement ring out by myself? There’s no point getting her father’s permission and then being turned down at the crucial moment. Your girlfriend's father wants to feel good about the man marrying his daughter. Should I talk it over with my family and friends before proposing? You think this way about a surprise birthday party? Halfpoint/Shutterstock. You should know the answers to those questions before proposing. Do I wait until it’s closer and ask by phone, or, take the opportunity to do it in person? I get extremely nervous just thinking of how. But the idea of permission is antiquated and offensive. The wedding is next month. Yes. Sort by. Explain that you and their daughter are interested in dating. Whether your parents expect your partner to ask for your hand in marriage or not, it's still something to consider. In summary, try to find a setting where you both feel comfortable, think about the reasons why you want to ask his permission, and think a bit about things from his perspective. I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Make sure that you take the time to explain that their permission is important and valued to you both. Check out our expert's opinion And if you want to ask anyone, ask my mother, she’s the one in charge anyway :). Think about the reasons why you are asking your girlfriend's father permission to marry his daughter and use these reasons as guides to help you decide how to ask. report. Ask both parents when you see them — elder deference > male deference — and ask them to keep a lid on it, though I recommend proposing immediately afterward and not waiting, because keeping secrets from people you’re supposed to be in an intimate relationship with is incredibly counterproductive. 7. My father in-law is very traditional, and also values “manliness”… neither of which terribly describes me. — Asking Her Father. hide. By Carolyn Hax / The Washington Post. I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. We have been dating for 2 years. However, even if you two have been together for years and know each other is the one, asking a father permission to marry might feel as heavy a question as the one you pop on one knee. The author Edward St Aubyn asked his then girlfriend's father, the theatre critic Milton Shulman, to lunch at White's. Prepare to ask a girlfriend's father for her hand in marriage by calling him up and setting an appointment with the preface that you have some good news. All rights reserved. What’s an extreme sport? 54 Answers. I want to ask her to marry me but I am not sure if I should ask him first? It depends. 72% Upvoted. Should I discuss financial details before getting engaged? How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? There really isn't any pressure because even if her father says no you are probably still going to ask the woman of your dreams to marry you. ■ Our now-son-in-law asked. Do i need to ask her dad for permission or can i propose? I’m fairly sure the father will, but while her mother is great, she may have more difficulty keeping it quiet (I’m assuming he’ll tell her) — maybe I should just trust her father to keep it a secret from her mother if he thinks she’ll let the cat out of the bag. They can be together when you ask, or after your meeting or phone call with the father you can call up their mom and share the big news and also tell them how much her blessing would mean to you. Funky Little Spacegirl. Luckily, the father said yes. This thread is archived. Asking for permission is a time to naturally exude your good intentions, confidence in yourself, confidence in your potential fiancée, and confidence in your relationship. So no planning ahead because it’s keeping a secret? Your California Privacy Rights / Privacy Policy. This topic blew up the queue when it ran live. In most Western cultures it's not necessary. Is she really independent, for women’s rights, and untraditional. I know it is common, but i know she will like it. How much should I spend on an engagement ring? It is indeed traditional to ask a woman’s father if you can marry her, because traditionally, marriage was a property transfer – with you, the bride, as the property. I am not chattel. My husband said, “I have no permission to give.”. You know, having a pleasant conversation and being on the same page. © 2021 www.freep.com. I'm a traditional guy, I strongly believe in the importance of asking the parents for permission, but as my girlfriend's mother had passed away when she was in her late teens and I'd never met her father I wasn't sure if it was going to be possible, and then when she told me her dad was in hospital I … Similarly, if the primary reason you are asking for permission is because you want to develop your relationship with your future in-laws then you probably want to ask for her father's permission as part of something you and her father might do together many times in the future like playing golf or going to a ball game ■ I have to wonder how those having a chat with the future father-in-law would feel about their girlfriends having the same chat with their (the guy’s) father. Think about the reasons why you are asking your girlfriend's father permission to marry his daughter and use these reasons as guides to help you decide how to ask. At the same time, make sure your potential bride has … Or mother. I guess my only concern is keeping the secret for that long. Do You Only Ask the Father? ■ Holy crap —way to rain on the (sweet, traditional) guy’s parade! I am a person. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Which finger do women wear the engagement ring on. Adapted from a recent online discussion. Thanks all. If a personal meeting is clearly impractical for you or her father then the phone is a natural and acceptable option in most cases. This involves more than a quick, “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during half time. Is that something that would make her and her father's life more wonderful? Our now-son-in-law didn’t ask permission but instead came over to say he loved her and hoped we would be happy they wanted to get married. Should I ask my girlfriends father for permission? First comes love, then comes marriage… but in between, there’s a whole lot of traditions and decisions. I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. I have been dating this girl for 4 years I am in majoring in pre-med at UT Tyler will be done in 1 year then I will transfer to The University of Colorado for Radiology. I plan to ask my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. It doesn't always go so well. Note: You may want to first read the FAQ: Should I ask her father for permission? Answer Save. For example, if the primary reason you are asking her father for permission is because your girlfriend and her family like tradition then you should probably choose a formal setting where you can showcase your gentlemanly side. secondly he is a military style daddy (colone All rights reserved. How to ask your girlfriends father for permission for hand in marriage when he lives 4000+ miles away USA-NORWAY. Now, just request his blessing and support in you asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Thoughts? firstly he stays about 8 hours drive away from me. or rather im going to ask her, but I want to first ask her father. How should I ask her father for permission? Or chat with her online at noon Eastern each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Is it common in your culture? Respectfully ask for his blessing. Taking her father out for a steak dinner is also a nice option. Here's a modern girl's take on the tradition: how to ask her dad for his blessing — in a way that's right for HER. If your girlfriend’s father has died, wasn’t around when she was growing up, or is simply a jerk that his daughter avoids contact with, ask the mother. It depends. Asking in person is the best option. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? HOW!? If that is the case then you may want to check whether or not she wants you to ask her father. I felt it would have been terribly rude to my SO if I were to ask her father’s permission to marry her, but I also felt he would have considered it rude if I didn’t talk to him about it first, so what I did was this: However, having her family on board and behind your marriage 100% is a highly desirable aspect of a long, happy, and healthy marriage. They may ask you why you would like to date their daughter. Coming from a girl, that has had boyfriends ask to date me before they asked me out, I 100% believe is the right thing to do. Today, I’m focusing on one tradition that has slowly faded: asking her father’s permission … Favourite answer. Even my super-conservative father rolled his eyes and replied, “You’ll have to ask her.”. If you know she is traditional or would want that, then yes, you should very much ASK, it helps build respect between you and her parents. Dear Asking: Do you think your girlfriend wants you to ask her father for permission to marry her? However, the parents live a considerable distance away and we are visiting her family next month. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Perhaps plan to do something that both you and her dad enjoy like fixing your potential fiancée's car or going fishing. Our mission is to provide a concise, informative engagement guide for men.© 2007-2015 uptoido.com. Doing your homework while the teacher is marking it. It shows the parents that you’re respectful and care about her enough to step up and ask for approval. ■ The comments make it even more with the nope. If your girlfriend is “traditional” this way, then I’m happy you found each other. He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!" Something that many women, this one included, see as a profoundly offensive paternalistic holdover from a time when women didn’t make their own decisions like any other fully realized adult human being? How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? Write to Carolyn Hax in care of the Washington Post, Style Plus, 1150 15th St., NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 or e-mail tellme@washpost.com. Dear Carolyn: I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. Even though the “blessing” is traditionally supposed to come from the father, we think it’s a great idea to include your girlfriend’s mother as well. 4 Or support. By gq.co m. August 15, 2002 There are ... ask for her hand. Sometimes a suit and tie is necessary when asking for her father's permission to the marriage, and sometimes a nice dress shirt and slacks are appropriate. It might seem a little old school, but before you pop the question to your girlfriend, it is a good idea to approach her father for permission. Tip Number 1 – Make Sure She’s Ready It may be obvious to say, but make sure your partner is actually going to say yes. 10 comments. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. For example, if the primary reason you are asking her father for permission is because your girlfriend and her family like tradition then you should probably choose a formal setting where you can showcase your gentlemanly side. Eight persuasive arguments for choosing a partner who shares your beliefs. Rather … And we are delighted! The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. What type of girlfriend do you have. Dear Please: You got me. A sampling: ■ Before I proposed, I spoke with her father -- “I wanted to let you know that I love your daughter, and I’ll be asking her to be my wife.” I knew she really wouldn’t appreciate the “property” overtones, but she’d appreciate me and her dad having a pleasant conversation and being on the same page. Are there any rules of etiquette or traditions or customs a man should follow when asking a father’s permission to marry his daughter? I said: "Hi leaving I'm John!" Home   Pre-Engagement FAQ   Engagement Period FAQ   Old Groom's Forum   Disclaimer/Terms/Privacy   Contact Us (ask us a new question). Her parents like me and I go on family holidays with them and she is going on one with me this week. Do not call your girlfriend’s parents on the phone to express your intentions for marriage or ask them for permission over the phone, unless you have no other option. Relevance. Let them lead the conversation and show genuine interest in what they have to say. save. Why is the diamond engagement ring important? share. If you’re questioning how to ask a dad to marry his daughter, take a deep breath and follow these tips to ease the stress and make it a special moment you and your new father-in-law will treasure. The tradition of asking the father for permission stems back to days where the man ran most of the family affairs. I plan to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter. So Ive been dating my girlfriend over a year now and we were friends for 8 years before that and we are now 20 and 19. How early is this commonly done before proposing and, if possible, should it be in person? I think that's a lovely idea. Generally, it's a nice gesture, assuming your sweetheart is close with her parents and that they are relatively traditional. I want to ask her to spend the rest of her life with me.

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